I Remember
by TracyCook
Summary: Sonny has spent the last few years in denial of what she wants, when she figures it out what will she do about it, and will it be too late? Now a Sad little Multi-chap story based on lost love... Sonny/Tawni femslash Tonny! COMPLETE!
1. I Remember

I Remember

By: TracyCook

Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters belong to the creator of Sonny With A Chance.

Couple: Sonny/Tawni

Rating: T

Authors Note: Another one shot for y'all it is kinda sad… but not suicide or anything, just regrets and memories. The song is I Remember by Kelly Clarkson, I'll always be a Kelly pusher because I absolutely adore her. Her music and lyrics are so beautiful… meaningful. Sorry I haven't been writing much for this couple the last few days been working on Glee, One Tree Hill (which I'll add soon), and Ghost Whisperer stories. Oh and lately I have been on a songfic kick haha so if you don't like them I apologize

I Remember

_Wednesday, never felt so cold here…_

_Found your letter,_

_Didn't know your words could hurt me still…_

Her hands shook as she read through the letter that she had read numerous times before; over the last few years she had looked over the words enough to have them memorized well enough to recite them on command. She knew every detail from the pink heart dotted I's to the smudged ink where her tears had fallen.

Every time that she came to the end she felt her stomach clench and as if her heart were being squeezed tightly in her chest, so tightly that she lost the ability to breath and simply sobbed and gasped for needed oxygen. It was painful. The loss of the one person she had always loved more than anyone in this world and knowing that it is all her fault. Toward the bottom of the letter she once again allowed her large brown blurry eyes to scan the words.

'**I always loved you Sonny, please be mine.**

**Tawni Hart.'**

Fresh tears formed in her eyes as she curled up on the ground in a ball and sobbed into the sheets soaking them through. Sonny Munroe had hated herself since that day, since the day that she had pushed the blonde she loved more than anything away, since the day she had given up on love. "I wish I could see you just one more time." She choked out through the sobs that wracked her body, her voice nasally from her nose that was running down her face as her body shook.

_Laying on the ground, nothing I can do but wait it out…_

_Creeping in, slowly wearing me down…_

_And I remember._

_Changing everything I used to need…_

They had slept together after she found the note, she had confronted her blonde best friend only to feel pink and sweet lips pressed against her own. The passion behind the kiss was unlike any other she had ever shared with Chad or any other boy. It was intense and full of lust and desires that she only wanted to share with Tawni, that day she had decided that it was what she wanted and that the blonde was the only one for her. In that moment Sonny had known that she belonged only in her arms.

What seems normal in the evening usually doesn't seem so normal in the morning though, and when she awoke in that bed she panicked. Despite the warmth and despite how right it felt being wrapped up in the arms of her friend, she knew that it was wrong. How could she be with a woman? Her mother would hate her, her friends would hate her, her fans would all hate her and Sonny Munroe did not enjoy being hated.

She had not taken into account that by choosing for all of these unimportant people in her life not to hate her she would be making the one person she truly cared for and loved hate her. This ended up being a worse fate it seemed. Years had passed and she had never heard from her friend again, not since their fight.

Now instead of spending those nights wrapped up in the warmth of the blonde diva's body she spent it wrapped up in his embrace. Chad, her husband. She had married him more out of desperation than anything; she knew that everyone wanted them to be together. Her fans and her mother were all excited beyond belief when they found out about their marriage, it was Channy and that was the way it was supposed to be. Yet, every night since then she had spent wrapped up in his arms she felt an emptiness that only grew.

_His arms don't fit the way yours did,_

_But at least they're holding me._

_He will never leave me,_

_He will never break me like you do,_

_But he will never be you…_

Although the fight had been Sonny's fault she still harbored anger with her friend and how she had reacted, how she had given her an ultimatum. Tawni had gotten amazing news she was going to be a fashion designer in New York, she would finally have her shoe-line Tawni Toes.

The brunette had been more than happy for her friend telling her how proud she was of her for following her dreams just as she had done when it came to getting on the show. The blonde diva had given her the cold shoulder; in fact she had been ignoring Sonny since the time they had slept together. Sobbing into her hands the usually optimistic girl allowed herself to travel down memory lane as she recalled the fight with her one true love.

'**Tawni and Sonny were both in their dressing room and the blonde had just finished bragging about the amazing offer, of course she was a little too proud. Still, the brunette had been very happy for her friend. "Good job Tawn! I'm proud of you!" **

"**So you want me to go then?" Her voice cracked as she asked the question, obviously she was trying to keep her emotions hidden but large brown eyes saw through them.**

**Hesitantly Sonny nodded her head and smiled "Well, of course. Why wouldn't I want you to go after your dream?"**

"**I don't know! Maybe because you slept with me Sonny! Doesn't that mean anything to you?" The diva screamed out in agitation, her voice high and shaking as she did so. A scowl written across her lips and her jaw clenched tightly as blue eyes glared to the other woman in the room awaiting her response. When none came Tawni continued. "Okay? Not good enough? Well how about this then Sonny."**

**She started to pace the room and brown eyes watched as she moved back and forth shaking her hands in anger. "How about you choose now, either be with me or I am taking this offer and you will never see me again!"**

_So just tonight I let you in,_

_Close my eyes and I pretend,_

_That it's you instead of him…_

As the memories flooded back into her mind the tears flooded from her eyes to the wooden floor soaking it as her body shook and her chest heaved violently, heart hammering away in her chest like a drum. "Why? Why did I let you go?" She practically screamed through ragged breaths.

_I kiss his face, hold him close,_

_Whisper softly so he won't know,_

_That I'm remembering you again…_

'**Sonny's eyes had filled up with fear when she was confronted with such a choice, how could she either choose to be with her friend romantically or let her go permanently? It didn't seem fair to her, it wasn't fair to her. "You want me to make a choice like that?" She practically shouted at the blonde as tears rolled down her cheeks.**

"**Yes Sonny, I want you to make a choice like that. I need to move on with my life. I have spent the last year in love with you and all you notice is him." Tawni whispered out as tears filled her own eyes but she quickly turned to disguise her weakness with a mask she had learnt to wear well. **

"**But Tawn, I'm your best friend… you're my best friend, can't we just go back to that?" She squeaked out her voice high and cracking.**

"**No! Don't you see? I never looked at you as a friend! I always wanted more! Please Sonny I know you feel it too. We could be happy." The taller of the two said turning back to the brunette moving toward her and wrapping her up in a warm embrace that she found she loved a little too much. **

**She felt comfortable and safe and never wanted to let go, but she knew she had to. "We can't be together romantically it's wrong."**

"**But you feel it too! You love me too!" She screeched out before planting her lips firmly to Sonny's in a deep and passionate kiss. Once her lips had tasted of chocolate and sweet, now they were tainted with salty tears. Still it was perfection. She felt more than a spark, she had felt an explosion, but she knew it couldn't be and pulled away from the diva.**

"**No, Tawni. I-I'm sorry. I do love you but this is wrong… I can't give you what you want." The last words were only a whisper. Secretly she hoped that the other would not hear her at all.**

**Letting out a loud groan of anger the blonde screamed "Fine! You can live in your little delusional world Sonny! But I refuse to be a part of it anymore! This is the last time that you will ever see me, and please do not call!" And with that, she was gone.'**

_Closer, closer than I like to be,_

_Loving him and letting go of you isn't easy…_

_Nothing you can do, nothing he can be,_

_Nothing I can ever say,_

_I'll keep you here till you fade away._

She had called, so many times. Left so many messages on her answering machine in hopes to gain her forgiveness. Even told her that she would be with her if she just came back. The pain that Sonny had felt from missing her only multiplied as the months turned into years and she said yes to Chad's proposal. Tawni knew about it, she knew that they were married and just knowing that she knew that hurt Sonny. It was hard to really understand.

_I could fight it, try and forget you…_

_I could fight it but I don't want to…_

Still she knew that she had to suck it up. All of these tears were only being wasted. She was optimistic and she always smiled when he held her. She always smiled. Always. But, when alone she turned into someone unfamiliar to herself. A sobbing mess crying on the floor screaming at herself that she hated herself as she tore out her hair. Staring at the pictures she and Tawni had taken in her phone and reading over the letter that had led to that fateful night.

It were as if she were in constant purgatory. She could not reach heaven, but she was not in hell either. She was simply in existence for as long as her life may last, and she would never obtain the one thing that she had always longed for. Tawni Hart would always be the one who got away.

_And I remember you._

S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C

Authors Note: Hope y'all like it. Please review y'all make me super smiley! Love you guys! Oh and added another chapter to my ghost whisperer fic so if you like that show check it out! Odd couple as usual.

-Tracy Cook


	2. For All I know

I Remember

By: TracyCook

Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters belong to the creator of Sonny With A Chance.

Couple: Sonny/Tawni

Rating: T

Authors Note: Decided to add at least a second part and probably a third or fourth as well. :) Stuck with the same theme as the first; another Kelly Clarkson song because I love her and I hate writing song fics with only one chapter having a song. Plus she is Kelly Clarkson and honestly has songs perfect for EVERYTHING! Haha. Hope y'all like!

For All I Know

_For all I know, you could be near,_

_And every breath I take, you could feel._

_For all I know, you're just a thought that crossed my mind,_

_What I wouldn't give to live that thought of mine…_

It had not been as difficult as she would have thought to find the blonde's household. She had assumed that it would have been hidden from the public due to her fame, which it was, yet it seemed that all of their other friends from the show had been informed of where she lived. Did it hurt Sonny to know that she was the only one left out in the dark? Of course it did but it honestly did not surprise her.

The brunette was more than grateful that they had shared the address with her when she told them she wanted to fix things between her ex-best-friend. They all seemed hesitant and warned her over and over that the diva had changed a lot with fame and she should not get her hopes up. Still, she felt the need to patch up old wounds and maybe fix her own broken heart in the process.

Chad had told her that it was a stupid idea. This decision partially fueled by his own selfishness because she would be missing the premier for his new movie in order to fly to New York City and partially genuine concern. She had lied to her husband and over the years it had practically eaten her alive.

Sonny Munroe was not a liar but she could not tell him the truth, she refused to admit the truth to anyone even herself. The story she had told him was close to the truth and kept in the vaguest of details. Simply the brunette had told the young man that they had gotten in an argument and she left never to talk to her again, so of course he assumed it was more on Tawni's shoulders to fix than his wife's.

Now after the battle with her husband and interrogation of her friends for information she stood at her destination. The porch of a beautiful building in New York City, the building in which the blonde lived.

For nearly a half an hour she had been pacing on the porch debating if she should turn around and head back to the airport or if she should actually follow through with this. Years of doubting and thinking and missing the blonde had brought her to the realization that it had been love. That she had been in love with Tawni.

Now here she stood. Ready to prove her love for the blonde. Heart pounding against her ribs, breathing heavy and uneven, she forced herself to reach out and press the call button beside the door to request entrance.

_For all I know nothing's changed,_

_Nothing ever will if I don't leave this place._

_For all I know, you're waiting for me to whisper your name,_

_What I wouldn't give to kiss your sweet face…_

"Tawni Hart please?" She questioned hesitantly.

"This is her." The blonde stated from the other end of the intercom. Her voice definitely had not changed, and just hearing it made Sonny's stomach churn and the urge to vomit to arise.

Swallowing the saliva building in her mouth she let out a loud breath and tried to calm her nerves and shaking body as she forced herself to speak. "It's Sonny."

"Sonny?" She questioned with obvious spite on her tongue.

"Yes, Sonny Munroe. I was your best friend and I know that you remember me Tawni." The diva had to remember her right? They had been on the same show for over a year and had grown to be so close, hell they had even slept together. This was definitely a blow to her pride as she was starting to realize that maybe she was not as special to Tawni as the blonde was to her. Maybe she was not worth remembering while for her it had been difficult to even go an hour without memories resurfacing.

"I know who you are Sonny; I just don't know that I want to see you…" Now her voice shook a little. Was it nervousness? Was she scared of what could happen? This gave the brunette hope and her large brown eyes lit up. She was going to fix this.

"Please Tawn, please. I need to see you. I've spent far too many nights without you in my life. Please let me apologize and fix this?" Her voice was practically pleading and tears were surfacing in her eyes as she begged for the chance to make things better.

Silence on both ends seemed to last for far longer than she could handle before finally the blonde responded. "Fine. I'm unlocking the gate, see you in a few."

_Cause all I know is I need you here…_

_And all I have, I would give away so I could say this dear._

When her eyes landed on the blonde her jaw practically dropped. She looked amazing, straight out of a magazine, everything about her screamed New York City. She wore a beautiful dress, very tall and gorgeous heels, and her blonde hair was even longer than it had been before flowing over her shoulders.

"Are you coming?" Tawni questioned from the door of her place obvious agitation and impatience in her voice, that beautiful voice that Sonny had missed more than anything.

Shaking her head to clear the impure thoughts that had run through her mind at seeing a very mature looking version of the friend that she had once held dear to her she responded. "Yeah, sorry." The brunette apologized quickly a large grin spreading across her face, one that she had not shown in so many years. Even if the blonde was being inconsiderate it made her happy to be in her presence.

As she ran toward the door she could not help but realize just how childish she still dressed. She had not grown up like Tawni had. Currently she was wearing a pair of black skinny jeans and a long shirt with a belt wrapped around her waist much like she had used to dress. She looked for the most part exactly the same. The only thing that had really changed over the years was her personality. Since she lost the woman she loved and decided it was best to settle for the young man who was simple to love she had lost her optimism.

The diva held the door open for Sonny which was not something the young woman was accustomed too; she rarely did nice things for anyone when they were on the set. "Uh thanks." She blushed a bit then glanced away as she entered the beautiful building. Tawni merely shrugged in response still wearing a scowl.

_All I feel, Oh I tried so hard to not feel…_

_It's killing me._

_For all I know, you forgot me…_

_For all I know, you're different, completely…_

_And everything we had was never what I thought it was,_

_But for all I know, oh it was love._

"What are you doing here?" Tawni asked, she did not offer for the brunette to sit down, she did not offer any pleasantries simply got straight to the point.

Startled by the abrupt question brown eyes widened and Sonny glanced down to her feet blushing a bit and biting nervously on her bottom lip. She had thought this over every night for the last few years, she had it all planned out exactly what she would say if she ever got the chance to talk to the blonde again and now she could not find her voice. "Um, is it bad? That I uh came I mean?" She questioned.

Letting out a loud frustrated grown the blonde diva threw her hands into the air and started to pace in front of the very awkward and uncomfortable looking woman. "Yes! No! I don't know! Gah! Sonny I never thought I was going to see you again, but some stupid part of me thought you would chase me and find me, then I found out you married that self-serving ass Chad and I figured you were happy! I never thought you would show up here." Finally her voice died out and tears filled her blue eyes. Something that was very rare to see, a tear, rolled down her perfect tanned cheek.

"I'm sorry! Okay! I was stupid Tawni, so stupid! I made the worst mistake ever letting you leave but you made me decide so quickly and I didn't feel ready for people to see me that way."

"What way Sonny? As a lesbian? Well don't worry they all see you as far from that now that you have "Channy" to hide behind." The blonde practically spat these words angrily as she turned away to hide her tears crossing her arms across her chest.

"I know I was hiding! I was scared to feel what I felt for you, I was so scared that I ran away! But this entire time I have not gone a night without thinking about you…" Walking over to Tawni she gently reached around her back wrapping her in an awkward embrace due to the taller of the two being in the front. Still Sonny rested her head on the blondes back in hopes to stop her from crying, tears falling from her own eyes.

"Sonny, I'm not the same girl I used to be. You can't just waltz into my life and expect me to be that girl." She practically choked on her shame as she spoke the words.

"I don't expect you to be Tawni it has been so long, but maybe we can be better…" She stated quietly only hearing sobs in return from the blonde. "Turn around and look at me please? We can talk about this…"

_Now everyone has a name,_

_And every face always somehow looks the same._

_I always feel so alone, especially when it rains,_

_For all I know, you feel the same…._

Now both girls were sitting on the couch in an uncomfortable silence, Sonny tapping her foot nervously as Tawni picked away at her perfect nails. Neither knew what to say, it was as if there was too much for them to say that nothing sounded right in their heads. After all of these years they had so much to catch up on that it seemed impossible to actually catch up at all.

"So…"

"So… how are you and your husband?" The blonde mumbled bitterly.

Brown eyes widened and Sonny chewed on the inside of her cheek, she did not know how to answer the question. Deciding to stick with honesty she shrugged her shoulders and let out a sigh falling back into the cushions of the couch. "Honestly… not very good Tawni. I think about you all of the time, I cannot be physical with him, I can hardly stand to kiss him. I cry myself to sleep every night."

"Oh." Was the simple response it actually made the brunette grow anger, how could she admit all of that and only receive that?

"Oh?" Her voice shook with agitation.

"Well what do you want me to say Sonny? That I have been thinking about you constantly? That I still love you? That I haven't moved on or had sex with any other girls?"

Tears again started to well up in her eyes as she stared at the blonde she had been thinking about nonstop for years. For whatever reason she had been hoping to hear any of those things, all of those things, and it seemed that would not be happening. For all of these years she had not moved on she loved Tawni and she wanted to be with her more than anything, she would give up her husband do anything. Now the tears were falling freely. "Yeah I want to hear you say any of those things!"

"Well, I can't Sonny… Maybe I do think of you from time to time, and maybe I am not in a relationship. Maybe I sleep with girls in order to forget you and I put myself into business in order not to think of you, but I have moved on. I don't want to hurt you or Chad, I am not who I was." Tawni again whispered toward the end obviously ashamed of who she had become.

"I don't care who you are Tawni, I love you! I want to be with you!" Tears continued to fall as she moved closer to the blonde and looked deep into her eyes. The diva's breath caught in her throat at the closeness and blue blurry eyes stared back into brown.

"I love you too… I always will… but Sonny—" She started but was cut off when lips pressed against her own.

The kiss was intense, passionate, and full of so many emotions that both girls started to cry even harder as they kissed each other. It was perfect and all of those feelings that were there years prior were still there. Just as the blonde reached up to run manicured nails against Sonny's cheek there was a creek of the door and then the voice of a woman.

"Um… I heard you work fast, but damn."

Glancing up Sonny noticed that there was a woman standing beside the couch dressed in only her panties, chest bare. Blushing brightly she looked away and quickly stood to her feet.

_Yeah, I didn't know that I need you here…_

_All I had, I gave away cause I was still afraid to feel…_

Tawni's eyes filled with fear when her sexcapade of the night before had made her way into the living room disrupting the kiss between her first and only love. She had certainly had sex since Sonny a lot of sex actually, but it was mostly in some desperate search for someone to fill that emptiness. Just like how she used her work. She never really felt alone, just empty, she was happy in life and with what she had built.

"Sonny…" She mumbled out as she moved from the couch to place a hand on the brunette's shaking arm.

Staring up from beneath dark bangs eyes full of tears. "No! Tawni! No I was so stupid to think that you would just wait around for me to come find you…" Her voice was shaking but it was not angry. "I am such an idiot…"

"Sonny, I am so sorry…"

"No" She actually laughed. "Don't apologize Tawni, none of this is your fault, I had my chance with you and I threw it away like it was nothing… But Tawni I never stopped loving you." She whispered her voice shaking as she turned and headed for the door no longer feeling that she had made the right decision. She felt like a moron for trying to do this after all of these years while she had a husband.

"Sonny, wait!"

_For all I know._

S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C

Authors Note: Hope y'all like it. Well my only reviewer at least haha. Please review! Love you guys and your support! Sorry I have been missing in action for my SWAC fics, but I should be adding to a few today so yay! I think this song was perfect for this chapter... oh added an additional bath scene to 8:45 so "Check it out" hehe.

-Tracy Cook


	3. Don't Ever Give Up On Me

I Remember

By: TracyCook

Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters belong to the creator of Sonny With A Chance.

Couple: Sonny/Tawni

Rating: T

Authors Note: Used another Kelly song, making it a trend. Ties the fic together I think… plus her lyrics are so tragic and that fits this fic… y'know?

Don't Ever Give Up On Me

_I know I break your heart,_

_With everything I'm not…_

_Don't ever give up on me._

Convincing Sonny to stay had not been easy, Tawni had to practically beg the devastated woman to not immediately jump on a flight and head back to Los Angeles in time to see her husband's premier. The brunette refused to go back into the apartment with good reason after the scantily clad woman interrupted their kiss.

Finally she had agreed to go out to a small café and have a conversation with the blonde if she got rid of the woman in her apartment, which she did. Though, she honestly did feel that it was a bit of a selfish request, she did not understand how Sonny could waltz into her life after being gone for so long and make her give up the life she had been living. Worst of all she did not understand why she was so willing to do so. She just dropped everything she had made and chased after the brunette telling her to stay, telling her that they could fix things, as unrealistic as it was.

She knew that it was unrealistic. When Tawni left she never expected to make things work and for the most part she had moved on. Until she saw those beautiful brown eyes and that dorky smile she once loved again. Seeing that made her realize just how fake the world she built around her was. Not that she wanted to admit that. She did not feel that it was her place to do the chasing, Sonny deserved to chase her for once, to convince her they belonged together. It would not be her.

That was all that she ever wanted and Sonny had never chased her. Not once. She had called certainly but Tawni had left her address with the others for a reason. The beautiful girl could have found her anytime so why now? Why not earlier if she loved her? Why would she marry Chad?

_Remember that we're strong,_

_And even as we fall…_

_Don't ever give up on me._

Both of them sat at the table in the café across from each other once again surrounded by awkward silence. The only sound being the soft sniffles coming from the brunette who had finally calmed down from the catastrophe at the apartment. Still breathing unevenly she did not want to risk speaking and stuttering as tears again fell, she did not know what to say. It was selfish and stupid of her to think that Tawni would be single and waiting around for her. Hell, she had been the one to let her go.

The brunette had never chased her and she could not have expected the blonde to not be with someone else. She could have waited for years for all she knew, and it was the same thing she had done marrying Chad. Even so it did feel as if her heart was breaking.

Tawni simply watched with worried blue eyes as she sipped on her coffee and awaited a conversation she was not really prepared to have. She had never expected to have to have this conversation with Sonny. She had changed so much over the years, some for the good and some for the bad, and she just did not see the brunette liking some of those changes.

When she finally got her breathing even and her sniffles to a minimal she spoke up. "Who was she?" The way she said it came out a lot more strained and upset than she wanted it to. She wanted to sound happy for her "friend."

Letting out a sigh blue eyes glanced away from prying brown and Tawni shrugged her shoulders "She was no one Sonny."

"So you just sleep with random girls now? Is that it?" Sonny spat a little more violently than she wanted to as she held back her tears and started to tap the tips of her fingers against the table anxiously. Forcing herself not to just get up and run before she could hear the answer.

"Well she was a model… So I guess not random… Besides what is it to you Sonny? You don't come and see me for so many years and then you just show up and tell me how to live my life?"

Calming herself down as she again was reminded that it was in no way her place to just interrupt her life and judge her for whoever she became. She had never been one to judge before so why should she start now. Sighing out she nodded "You're right, I'm sorry… I guess it just hurts."

"You want to talk about hurt… do you have any idea how bad it hurt hearing you married him." She would not even say his name.

"I do now." Was the soft whisper that escaped the brunette's mouth.

Blue eyes glanced up to catch brown and a soft smile formed on pink lips. It were as if they both had suddenly understood just how hard they had made things, and just how much the other cared. Not that it was going to fix everything, maybe not even fix anything, but it did earn a smile.

_These tears I'm holding back,_

_Could turn my whole face black,_

_And I don't know if you'd love me,_

_If you saw me like that._

_Would you?_

"Want some key-lime pie?" Tawni transitioned hoping to change the topic from what they had been talking about. She did not want to talk about the girl or who she had become with Sonny. Luckily the brunette took the bait for the moment.

"Yeah." She whispered still holding back her tears as she tried to remain positive. The brunette was happy to just see the diva smiling again it meant the world to her. She wondered if it had been as long for her since she smiled. Probably longer, the blonde was never much of a smile-er.

"Okay good because I'm really not ready to explain things." Tawni stated a little too bluntly as she raised her hand to signal for the waitress.

Sonny reached out and took the blonde's perfect hand in her own linking their fingers together and lowering it to the table. Now blue eyes were locked to brown in a serious and emotional stare. "Tawni I really want to talk about this… I need to, it is killing me. I hide it well." She laughed a little which earned a gentle smile from the other woman. "But I need to know if this is even worth it, if you have moved on, if you want me to chase you, and if you are open about your sexuality and in love—" Catching her breath for a moment she breathed out "If you love her."

_Would you follow if I turned my back?_

_Could you love me through this broken glass?_

_I know I'm not who I was or where I need to be,_

_But don't ever give up on me…_

"I wanted you to chase me Sonny… but I don't know if I want you to chase me now." The blonde stated honestly as her voice shook slightly. When the brunette tried to pull her hand away Tawni grabbed ahold of it and held it in place forcing her to keep in contact. "It isn't because I love her though." She laughed and relief flooded through the other woman.

"But if you don't love her why did you…. Well, you know?" She asked awkwardly. Sexual things were not something she was used to talking about as she was still very innocent.

"Why did I sleep with her?" The diva questioned bluntly.

Sonny again felt as if her heart were being squeezed tightly. Even though she had known that it was true that only seemed to cement her thoughts. "Yeah…" Her voice heightened and cracked as she said it, still trying to pull her hand away from the other woman.

"Well, to answer your earlier question I am out. At first my mother was really against me doing it but honestly after leaving you I didn't care anymore what anyone told me to do and I outed myself… As for that girl, she isn't the first girl I have slept with since you Sonny… I have been with many girls."

"How many?" She could barely ask the question and she felt she shouldn't even ask the question but she had to know. For some reason it tainted the blonde that she had once thought of as hers.

"You don't want to know but it doesn't matter." Tawni stated glancing away again. This time she started to pull her hand away only to have the brunette hold onto it.

"Why doesn't it matter?" The hope in her voice was unmistakable.

"They never meant anything to me Sonny; they never pleased me like you did that night. I spent the last few years comparing each and every one of them to you hoping that they could replace you and they couldn't. I started going to therapy and she told me to focus on myself and not have such high expectations." Pausing she glanced back to the brunette holding the tears back so that she would not show how weak she was. "She said I would never be happy until I gave up on you and moved on."

Silence filled the two of them and Sonny's smile grew across her face, a real smile, large and dorky as they used to be when they were on the show together. Her heart beating away quickly not out of anger or anxiety as before but out of excitement. Maybe the cuts were not too deep to mend after all.

"But none of that matters now Sonny… You are married to him and I am moved on for the most part. If we open old wounds I will only be hurt again and honestly I don't think I could handle going through the last few years again." Moving to get up Sonny stood up with her pulling on her hand not allowing her to run away.

_My heart will turn to run,_

_But even when I'm gone,_

_Don't ever give up on me…_

_I'm trying deep within,_

_If you could hold my hand,_

_Don't ever give up on me._

Both of them were now standing in the middle of the café, Sonny holding onto the blonde's hand both girls staring into each other's eyes. Moving her hand the shorter of the two placed her hand on the diva's hip pulling her closer to her and pressing their bodies again. Both girls being enveloped in the warmth and safeness.

After her initial shock Tawni finally wrapped her tanned arms around the woman she had always loved pulling her even closer against her. Neither of them said anything simply enjoyed feeling comfortable and happy for once in a very long time. Sonny rested her head on the blonde's chest able to hear her racing heart, earning another grin.

She could see everyone in the café staring at them and for once in her lifetime she didn't care. She didn't care what they thought of her, she didn't care if they hated her for being a lesbian, and she didn't care if everyone disowned her. All she cared about was making things right with Tawni and being with her. There had to be a way despite her friend's words.

_This war I'm fighting havoc,_

_It turns me inside out and _

_I don't know if you'd love me,_

_If you saw me right now…_

_Would you?_

Tawni reached up her beautiful manicured nails and started to run them through brown silky locks smiling and kissing the top of her head. She was genuinely happy. The emptiness she had always felt was feeling a lot fuller. She knew that it was not going to be as easy as "I love you" "I love you too let's be together." Maybe a long time ago it would have been that easy but not now, not because Sonny turned her down. Still, part of her knew that no matter how much drama entailed and how difficult it was the beautiful girl in her arms and the feeling she was having right now would be worth it.

"We can make this work Tawn, I'm not who I used to be… I'm not scared of what everyone thinks, I don't care if everyone disowns me I just care that I have you." Tears were now falling from her eyes landing against the exposed skin of the blonde's chest.

Too strong to cry the blonde held back her tears and smiled softly. "I'm willing to let go of everything and start new if you are."

"I am! I am so willing to do that! I'll let go of who I was and who I am and start new with you! I have missed you so much! I love you…"

"I love you too."

Though they both knew the words were not enough to fix things, they were still happy to have the chance.

_How do you still believe in me?_

_Even when my colors bleed._

_Holding out, will you love the rest of me?_

S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C

Authors Note: Hope y'all like it! Things are kinda coming out in this one… It will probably be shorter than the others… my grandma just showed up from Colorado this morning at 6:00 am and told us she has cancer and will be dead within a month so I plan to spend lots of time with her til then…. Sorry if this chapter sucks… been kinda crying a lot today and was kinda writing to distract my mind not really all in it…

Anywho thank you all…

-Tracy Cook


	4. Impossible

I Remember

By: TracyCook

Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters belong to the creator of Sonny With A Chance.

Couple: Sonny/Tawni

Rating: T

Authors Note: Used another Kelly song, making it a trend. :) Sorry that this chapter is short it is kind of intermission and all of their doubts worries etc. The big break ups will not be till the next chapter then from there it may very well turn rated M and my folks may have to disown me. :p

Impossible

_Just woke up and thought I'd try,_

_Try to step across the line,_

_You know I've been thinking about it for a while…_

Neither of them knew where to go from there. They had so much catching up to do with each other that it seemed completely impossible. Both decided that they would simply spend time together and things would come out as they did, along with this they agreed that they should not judge anything the other had done in the past. They wanted to be together and in order to do that they would have to realize both of them were completely different people than they used to be.

Honestly, Sonny was terrified to know everything. It had been hard enough to see the woman stripped down in the other woman's apartment, and she knew that that girl had not been the first. She was curious how many there had been but she knew that if she knew an exact number she would never be able to give herself to the blonde the same way again. Was that selfish? To think of Tawni as tainted?

Either way both of them decided that first they needed to take some time away from each other and make sure this was what they both wanted. She was to break up with Chad as soon as she knew for sure she did not want to be with him and Tawni was to cut the ties off of all the women she had in her life.

Of course this was not going to be as simple as the words made it sound. This was going to be difficult. If the young man was not cooperative then things could get ugly, divorces rarely went down quick and easy. He could sue her if only to spare his pride or he could drag it out for years on end, which would make starting a new relationship very difficult. She was suddenly very glad that she had no children.

She knew it would be worth it to have the woman she had lost so long ago. It would be worth the tears to be able to truly smile and no longer feel completely empty inside.

_Starting to think it's time I leave,_

_Does me good to know I finally feel,_

_Feel this pain, it's really possible._

Tawni was not having trouble letting go of her past, she was having more trouble accepting who she had become and being frightened of what the future would hold. If this did not go right what would happen to her? She was almost certain that she would spiral out of control and turn not only to sexual intercourse with people that she should not, but possibly to other outs. For her this was a dream come true. Yet, the dream was far too fragile for her to grip onto tightly and call a reality there was so much that had to be done. Too much that had to be done.

Cutting ties with the women was the easy part the hard part was now that she had gotten rid of all of them she was stuck in a large beautiful empty building. Sonny had left that morning to fly back to Chad and supposedly end things with him. Letting out a sigh the blonde fell back onto her large pink leather couch sinking into the cushions and crossing her arms over her chest.

The past had only served to show that the other woman would choose the man over her and she had no reason to believe that things would be different this time. Well, that was not exactly the truth, she had some reasons to believe otherwise. Still, the thought of Sonny Munroe actually growing a spine and walking up to the man who always seemed to make her legs weak and telling him that she was in love with her seemed impossible. The brunette she knew hated hurting people's feelings.

"Not that she had a problem hurting mine." Tawni pouted, pink bottom-lip protruding as she dug deeper into the couch.

She knew that she would have to let go of the grudge that she held toward the other woman if they were going to make things work, Sonny had not chosen her then but she had now and she needed to accept that. Until the other girl showed back up on her doorstep saying things were finalized with Chad though, she was going to hold onto her grudge.

_You say, can't change the winds,_

_You say, won't matter anyway,_

_Can't reach that far 'cause it's impossible._

Upon arrival at her house she received a kiss from the young man that she had settled for years ago, the guilt causing a sting to travel from where his soft lips landed toward her beating heart. It was overwhelming and she had no idea how she would find the courage to end things with him. Was he selfish? Yes, he was one of the most selfish people that she had ever known but he was not all too far off from Tawni Hart and over the years he had treated her right.

Taking her out to dinner at nice restaurants and holding her at night when she did not want to sleep with him because of reasons unbeknownst to him. These were things that most men would not do. He did not let her have the spotlight and that was his worst trait, Chad always had to be the center of everyone's attention, but she knew that when they got married and that was not a reason to leave him. No, there was no reason to leave him aside from her feelings for the diva.

Tawni had made it known that she would not be with her unless she did not only get a divorce from her husband, but she was also to tell her husband why. She was to tell the young man that she was leaving him for a woman.

Sonny found this to be cruel. There were plenty of excuses she could have come up with in order to leave the other. She could have simply told him that she fell out of love or fell in love with someone new, she honestly did not understand why she had to tell him that she had always wanted the blonde. That she had slept with her best friend and that had been the cause of the fight. That everything was her fault and that all of this time she had been settling for him. To her this was unnecessary heartache. Still, it was the only way that Tawni would have it and she found out years prior that you never try and go against her plans.

_Can't rise above this place,_

_Won't change enough, so I pray,_

_Breaking down the walls to the impossible…_

Brown eyes glanced away from blue as tears rolled down her flush cheeks and her body started shaking in his arms. He looked to her with worry in his eyes. "Sonny are you alright? Did things go badly with Tawni? I swear if she—"

"Shh Chad it wasn't Tawni… Things went great with her." She whispered under her breath which served to confuse the young man further.

"Well, that's great! If things went well then-then why are you crying baby?" He questioned reaching up to place his fingers beneath her chin raising it and forcing brown watering eyes to look deep into his own.

For a moment they just stared at each other. Blue searching brown for an answer to why she was so upset and brown soaking with guilt of what she had to tell her husband. It was not going to be easy to utter the words she knew that she had to tell him and she wanted nothing more than to run. If only for a second she debated how horrible it would be to actually be with the other to love him, how difficult could it be to wait it out and just be with him only to make him happy?

That would not be fair at all though not to her. She deserved to be happy and she knew that after the few years she had spent with him that she would not last if she simply continued to pretend to be madly in love with him. Her cheeks ached with all of the fake smiles she had forced.

"Chad…"

"Yeah babe? What is it? What's wrong?"

_Someone tell me why it's so hard taking chances,_

_You draw the line and think that I won't ask for more…_

_I will stumble and I'll make my own mistakes,_

_But I won't worry about it anymore, it's impossible._

"We need to get a divorce." Her voice cracked and as his hand fell away from her cheek her eyes fell to the floor, she awaited his reaction. She knew that things were only going to get worse before they got better. But she was ready.

_It's impossible to you,_

_Not impossible to me._

S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C

Authors Note: Hope y'all like it! I love when you guys review! I know this story hasn't been all too popular but I have grown to love it. I am really hoping to update quite a few stories today… I don't know though, we will just have to try! Haha.

Reviews =Love, Love =Tonny Fics, Tonny Fics = Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough?

-Tracy Cook


	5. After The Love

I Remember

By: TracyCook

Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters belong to the creator of Sonny With A Chance.

Couple: Sonny/Tawni

Rating: T

Authors Note: Used another Kelly song, making it a trend. :) I think that her songs were perfectly for this story :) But I may be biased haha.

After The Love

She had spent the last five hours trying to explain to Chad why she needed a divorce and it still was not registering, more than likely that was because she was too afraid to tell him the exact reason. All that she could seem to muster the courage to say was that she did not love him anymore, which he countered with are you seeing someone else, why, and who do you love now? None of which she knew how to answer.

"Sonny, you cannot tell me that you just went to see Tawni and came back knowing you don't love me anymore." His voice raised and cracked as tears rolled down his cheeks, he did not want to lose the woman he loved for so long. The woman that made his life have meaning and the woman who actually stood by him no matter how selfish he was at times.

Glancing down at her hands brown eyes seemed to search her fingers for the answers to his questions, for a way to tell him without hurting him. Nothing seemed to be the right thing to say. "Actually it wasn't just the trip; I have been feeling this way for a long time."

"How long?" His voice shook as tears rolled over his lips.

"Too long." Was her soft response as she continued to stare at her fingers trying to ignore the way that he took in a breath and held onto his chest as if his heart were shattering like a bowling ball through glass. She tried to ignore it but she couldn't and tears rolled down from her tired brown eyes, it hurt her knowing how badly she had broken him. Knowing that she had lead him on for all of these years for her image and what people would think of her, knowing that she had made him believe she was always in love with him when she was in love with Tawni Hart the entire time.

"How long?" He repeated obviously not happy with the response that he got in return for his question, he wanted an exact date.

Taking in a breath she held it for a moment before letting it out. Sonny knew that she had to be honest with him, she had to tell him the truth about everything, that in order for her to be happy she would have to be selfish and hurt one of the closest people to her. "Since the day that me and Tawni got in that fight."

"But Sonny that was before we even got married how could you—" Blue eyes filled with sudden realization as he practically screamed. "You weren't in love with me when you married me? You have never been in love with me!" Tears now freefalling from his eyes.

"I'm sorry Chad." She whispered softly.

"Sorry isn't going to bring all of these wasted years back Sonny! Sorry isn't going to un-break my fucking heart! Sorry isn't going to do anything! Sorry is just a word, just a pathetic little word! How could you do this to me?" He screeched out, wheezing hysterically as she sat down on their bed. The bed in which they had made love on multiple occasions. The bed in which she had told him a hundred times or more that she truly loved him more than anything, the bed that was apparently made of lies that he would have to forever sleep in.

"Who is it Sonny? All these years who have you been in love with?" He asked his tone suddenly turning from frantic and upset to calm and monotone, angry.

_My Tired eyes are begging for release, For Sleep,_

_I always seem to want the one who's just a little Out of Reach…_

_My Love, you are,_

_The best friend that I'll ever have._

"Wh-what do you mean?" She stuttered out through her sobs and tears. Knowing exactly what he had meant by the question.

"I mean if all of these years you have been married to me you haven't loved me, then who have you loved Sonny? Who have you loved that you have been so ashamed to tell everyone about? Who have you loved for all of these years that you suddenly realized after visiting Tawni—" Chad suddenly understood everything as his blue eyes widened in shock. All of these years, since the fight with Tawni, she had never loved him. She had loved Tawni.

"Tawni?" He asked with a shake in his voice as he dared her to tell him otherwise.

All that Sonny could do was cast her brown eyes downward in shame as her tears continued to fall, she knew that she was being selfish hurting him like this. But she had been hurting so long without the woman that she loved in her life that she had no other choice. It was cruel, evil maybe, and she would never forgive herself but she could not hide it anymore. "I'm sorry Chad." Pausing she glanced up to meet his eyes with brown before saying in a raspy and squeaky strained voice. "I'm in love with her. I will always be in love with her."

"All these years?"

"Yes…"

_The sun will come up, Cover my eyes,_

_Over my head afraid of the light,_

_What can you say to not hurt someone? _

_After the love is gone._

No longer able to control his anger he stood to his feet and started toward his wife who cringed in fear of what he would do. Though Sonny never thought that Chad was capable of actually physically harming her, she wouldn't blame him if he did or if he wanted to. She had been a horrible person and she deserved to be hated by everyone for it, her mother, her friends, and most definitely her husband who was now glaring into her eyes with cold blues.

"When you looked into my eyes did you see her in them?" He screamed in her face, spit flying from his lips and landing on her face. The brunette woman twitched but she did not pull away.

"Every single time." She said honestly. Her voice only coming out a whisper.

Tears started to fall from his eyes again as his anger dissolved and his body felt as if it were made out of jelly, reaching out he held himself up by placing hands on Sonny's shoulders moving to rest his forehead against hers. He didn't want to hurt her; he didn't want to say anything to hurt the sensitive and sweet woman. She had probably given up everything just to make everyone else happy, still, he could not help but be angry with her and he absolutely hated Tawni.

"When you kissed me did you wish it was her? Her and those stupid coco-moco-coco stained lips?" He growled out, his lips only inches away from hers.

"Chad I—"

"Answer the question!" He shouted in a shaky voice as tears rolled down his eyes and into his open mouth, he tasted their bitter saltiness and it was almost fitting considering how bitter he was. How much he hated everything right now. Everything except for Sonny, he would always love her. Always.

"Everytime." She squeaked out. Her breath hot against his ear and lips.

As much as Chad wanted nothing more than to pull the woman he loved against him kissing her passionately he knew that he would have to let her go. She would only be imagining it was Tawni when he kissed her, she had just admitted that every single time they had kissed that was the case. Yet he still wanted her, he still loved her. "So if I kissed you right now then." He paused letting his words linger along with his lips which were hovering above her lips.

"Yes, I would wish it was her."

"Then you're right we do need a divorce."

"Chad I—" She started reaching out trying to pull him in for a hug. Trying to pull him closer for any kind of contact. All Sonny wanted was to show the young man that she truly did care and love him, but quickly he slapped her hands away and turned toward the door starting out it.

"The time for talking's over Sonny." He quoted himself. One of the lines from Mackenzie Falls, one of the lines that she had interrupted on multiple occasions when she stormed onto the set upset with the selfish dramatic actor. Sonny had not even known he remembered that day, how important it had been to their friendship and their relationship. "Goodbye Sonny, I'll have my lawyers call you." With this he smiled that charming smile, tears glistening in shining blue eyes before closing the door behind her.

Once he was gone she found herself curling up on the bed in a ball crying furiously. She had expected this to be difficult, tragic even, but it had completely broken her heart and she knew that there was only one redeeming factor. With that thought she lifted her phone and started to dial the number she had memorized.

_His lips try not to tremble when he speaks,_

_My tired breath falls so heavy on his cheek._

_But I'll never know just what I have, Unless I leave._

_Here in the end, I hope that I'm not just running again._

_Feel this pain, it's really possible._

"I told him." She whispered into the phone in a deep and husky voice as her tired brown eyes started to close. Hearing the smile in Tawni's voice actually brought a small one to her own lips as she thought over what she had done guiltily.

"I know Tawni, I will head out there first thing tomorrow." She smiled snuggling against the pillow wishing it were the blonde. After hearing the woman on the other end of the phone tell her she wished she was there tonight, she knew that she was doing the right thing. Yes, she had hurt Chad and it tore her apart knowing that, but she smiled genuinely knowing that she would get to hold the woman that she loved in her arms soon. "I wish I was coming tonight too. I know.." Laughing she added "The pillow will just have to keep me company tonight."

Then the blonde said the words she had been hoping to hear again for so many years, she said that she loved her. A bright smile spread across Sonny's face as her heart leapt and everything was worth it, every single tear and shout, because she had the one person that she had always loved. And that person loved her back. Truly loved her back. "I love you too." She nearly choked out through the tears.

"Yeah, I'm crying." Laughing she added. "Good tears, no scratch that great tears!"

"Well, I should probably let you go." Hearing the whining from the blonde on the other side she smiled gently. "I know I want to hear your voice too, but the faster we get to sleep the faster we get to see each other."

"I know right."

"I love you too Tawni."

_What can you say to not hurt someone,_

_After the love is gone?_

S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C

Authors Note: Hope y'all like it! I love when you guys review! I know that this story isn't my most popular… but I enjoy writing it a lot so I am adding another chapter!

-Tracy Cook


	6. You Found Me

I Remember

By: TracyCook

Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters belong to the creator of Sonny With A Chance.

Couple: Sonny/Tawni

Rating: T

Authors Note: Used another Kelly song, making it a trend. :) I think that her songs were perfectly for this story :) But I may be biased haha.

You Found Me

_Is this a dream?_

_If it is, please don't wake me from this high…_

_I'd become comfortably numb,_

_Until you opened up my eyes._

_To what it's like, when everything's right._

Her heart was tapping away beneath her ribs, threatening with each pound to break the bones. The emotions she was feeling were a blur. After so many years she was finally standing at Tawni's door, again, only this time she would be staying with her. Her music career seemed completely obsolete; her husband whom which she would be getting a divorce with had been begrudgingly pushed to the back of her mind. The previous night had been spent crying and trying to turn off her anxious and excited mind, and now that she was once again standing on the porch she felt sick to her stomach.

Lifting a shaking hand she rapped her knuckles against the wooden door, quickly. Shuffling her feet she uncomfortably looked around the neighborhood. It was nothing like California, but it was beautiful and Sonny was almost certain she would live anywhere if it meant she could be with the blonde she had been missing for so long.

"Gosh what's taking so long?" It seemed the longer that she had to wait the more nervous she grew. Though it was more of an excited feeling than anxious.

Finally the door opened revealing the most beautiful girl in the world, well at least to the brunette and that huge trademark smile spread across her face, ear to ear, she even let out a squeak of excitement. "Hey there!" She stated a little rushed with an awkward wave at her friend.

"Hi." Tawni said a little too simply, it almost disappointed the other but the smile on beautiful pink lips was enough to make her see that the blonde was simply nervous and uncomfortable as well. Which made complete sense. She had admitted her love for the shorter girl years ago and now they were finally taking the chance that they gave up. Both sat there staring at each other with shifting eyes, fidgeting here and there. Finally as if snapping back to reality, blue eyes widened and a manicured hand moved to open the door. "Oh, sorry. Come on in." She smiled.

"Thanks." She whispered before moving into the house blushing a little at the body contact made as she passed the diva in the doorway.

Once Sonny was inside Tawni closed the door and turned on her heels. "Make yourself at home." She said in that high-pitched voice, which was slightly shaken. She was nervous, over the last few years she had not been in a relationship with anyone. Girls that she invited home she slept with and then kicked out. It was not the same this time. When the brunette raised an eyebrow at the diva and her smile spread Tawni let out a sigh and shrugged. "Sorry, I don't know what to say." She laughed uncomfortably. "I guess I'm nervous."

As she realized that the blonde was just as nervous as herself Sonny moved closer to the taller girl placing her hands on her hips. Enjoying the way that blue eyes fluttered down to her catching her large brown. Smirking she leant up pressing her lips to the diva's. The kiss was short and caused both girls bodies to react and breathes to catch in their throats. "We don't have to talk, we could—"

Tawni lifted a manicured finger to the brunette's lips and smiled brightly. "As much as I would enjoy making love with you, and I would. Trust me." She added in a deeper voice, before continuing. "Maybe I could just hold you tonight, talk, catch up, and spend time together?"

"I would love that."

_You found me when no one else was looking,_

_How did you know just where I would be?_

_You broke through all of my confusions._

_I guess that you saw what nobody could see,_

_You found me…_

That night was the first night in a long time that Sonny slept peacefully, and it certainly was not her guilty conscience making her feel safe. It was those thin spray-tanned arms encircling her waste, the scent of the blonde hair that was sprawled all along her chest and neck, and of course knowing that every time she opened her sleep-filled brown eyes to cast them downward she would find the beautiful woman she had always loved holding onto her.

It was perfection, and she had never been happier. She knew that they would have a long journey ahead of them, that they still had Chad to deal with. All that the brunette could hope was he would still be her friend because she did love him, just not in the same way that she loved Tawni. Yet, she would not blame him if he could not forgive her. All she knew was that in that moment she was content and she never wanted to lose Tawni again.

_So, here we are, and that's pretty far,_

_When you think of where we've been._

_No going back._

_You're by my side, Now everything's fine._

S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C

Authors Note: Welp this will be the last chapter. I decided to wrap this one up… I still love reviews… haven't gotten many on this story but I really did enjoy writing it. It was supposed to be a one shot but it turned into quite an enjoyable little story with of course a happily ever after. Not that all stories have them, I'm actually wanting to write a more morbid and depressing story with a sad ending. I just have problems with them. You would think with all my one tree hill watching I'd be an expert, but I just hate writing it. It's like when you play persona or dragon age or something and you're like I'm gonna be mean the whole time! I never can. Haha. Anyhow. Adios my faithful and amazing readers! Hope you enjoy this short conclusion.

-Tracy Cook


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